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Inner Voice : Alright so what do we wear? Is this like a formal date? Penis : Who cares, it's all going on the floor.

Know why? Because someone is gonna touch me today!! Lee's Oriental Massage Private Bath and Spa is a dead giveaway that you're about to walk in to a massage parlor where yes, sex is literally on the table.

Picture a wild animal walking into a rave—that's your inspiration for the entire time you're at the parlor. Look around aimlessly—the walls, the ceiling, the floor, anything but the girls working.

When you're finally approached and asked if you want a massage , you should simply grunt, nod your head, and continue to look around.

Sometimes you'll be asked if you have ever been to a massage parlor before, in which case you should say no and don't really know how this works.

You will be asked how long you want the massage to be, and the secret here is to be as frugal as possible. Pick the lowest price, because that's just the money that goes to the owner pimp ; the girls make money from tips.

Don't try to be suggestive at this point, because you're just going to come off looking like an idiot, and God forbid the escort doesn't respect you.

When the girl leads you to the room, she'll tell you she needs to go get ready and you should undress and lay down. Take off everything except your boxers and lay face-down and wait for the girl to come back.

Inner Voice : Wow, this place is disgusting, why is the air so damp? Do I want to know? Penis : Alright, I see ladies. Lots of cleavage too, I'm getting up for this.

Inner Voice : Cool it, act nonchalant, we're being approached. Whore : Hey there, are you interested in a massage? You : Um…yeah sure.

I'll just take the half hour massage, what does that include? Whore : It includes a massage…that's all we do here, is give massages. Penis : Giggidy!

This is the most important part of the procedure. When the girl walks in, you should be relaxed; the fact that you're face down should hide your raging erection caused by the low-cut top she is wearing.

As she starts giving you the most half-assed back massage ever, start the small talk with her. Talk about where she's from, where you're from, really anything other than her milking your cock.

She should pick up on the fact that you really are a rookie at this and will go about explaining the price to you, probably with some sort of happy ending code words.

Inner Voice : Good question, I'm getting tired of listening to her talk about her haircut. Whore : So, do you want me to touch…down there?

Penis : Jackpot! Ask her to give you a verbal menu, how much everything costs and what you get for the price. At this point she'll either encourage you to get more money or simply do the job right there because of the rapport you guys have built up.

Most likely, though, she'll want more money. Tell her you're broke and make up another story about how your pet just died or you just sent all of your money to a Nigerian prince.

If this fails immediately make sure you display the twenty dollar bill. Escorts aren't like normal humans because their senses are trained to recognize the sight and smell of money and they become physically stimulated by it, causing them to throw caution to the wind.

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We know we are answering a bar topic with this one, but we still try to be scientific about it. With that in mind we used the most recent American Community Survey Census data produced for the state of new jersey.

The higher the score, the better the city is for getting lucky. We also limited our results to cities with populations over 10, people.

For new jersey, that meant a total of cities. Get Laid Score: Hoboken is part of the New York metropolitan area and is the site of Hoboken Terminal, a major transportation hub for the region.

As of the United States Census, the borough had a population of 11,, reflecting an increase of 3, from the 7, counted in the Census, which had in turn increased by 2, from the 5, counted in the Census.

Only four blocks wide, Guttenberg is the ninth-smallest municipality in the state and the most densely populated incorporated municipality in the United States, as well as one of the most densely populated municipalities worldwide, with 57, people per square mile of land area.

It is the county seat of Middlesex County, and the home of Rutgers University. The city is on the Northeast Corridor rail line, 27 miles southwest of Manhattan, on the southern bank of the Raritan River.

At the United States Census, the population of New Brunswick was 55,, reflecting an increase of 6, from the 48, counted in the Census, which had in turn increased by 6, from the 41, counted in the Census.

Newark is the most populous city in the U. Newark is the second largest city in the New York metropolitan area, located approximately 8 miles west of lower Manhattan.

Camden is a city in Camden County, New Jersey. Camden is located directly across the Delaware River from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. At the United States Census, the city had a population of 77, Camden is the 12th most populous municipality in New Jersey.

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